Crimson Heavens

For Him

Tomorrow when the sun spreads his warm rays of love in this part of the world, I will wear a smile of happiness on my face. As for tonight, I am going to wipe these tears that had been trickling on my cheeks. I have been crying all the while, half of the time because of utter despair and half of the time because of utter joy.
At this minute my heart is filled with happiness and the moon is my witness. His caring face looking down on me, trying to soothe me with his light as I bury myself on my pillow. As tears fall from my eyes, as I hear my lover’s voice telling me that no matter how hard it is to make our dreams a reality, we’re going to hang on. And to hang on I will, as long as he loves me.
And I know he loves me. Oh how he loves me! He cares for me much more than he cares for his own self. His love, yes this is what keeps me alive. And every time he tells me of this feeling, this feeling that can only be made for me to share with him, I feel his warm arms wrapping around me for my own comfort. He makes my heart so light, that it flutters yet so full with love he had been pouring out for me. He who has become my world, ravishes me with his sweet caring nature, carries me as I travel this road of life so that my bare feet would not be bruised and worn out. He is my living angel. And he is just mine, all mine to take, for he had pledged it so. And I believe in him. I believe in every word that comes out of his lips, those sweet words of love and longing, that touches my heart like the beautiful songs of the Muses would have touched me.
And I love him. I might have not told him why and how I had come to love him but he knows that I do. And what I feel for him I had never felt before. This sweet tingling feeling in my heart that grows more and more each day, capturing my very soul. He is not only my reason for living, but my life itself and without him, I do not think I can survive in this hustle and hurry world.
To him I will only belong, and he believes it, for I had pledged myself so.

This is one of my earliest works. I wrote it in 1999…or 2000 I think. Bata pa ako no’n!.

*****

Here’s another one…written in 2003.

Na-inlove na ba kayo sa matalik niyong kaibigan?

Ako, oo. High school ako no’n. At alam kong ‘love’ nga yun at hindi crush lang o kung ano. And hirap nga eh, lalo na at best friend ko pa talaga siya. Lahat sinasabi niya sakin, wala talaga siya tinatago. Alam ko lahat, simula sa mga problema niya sa pamilya at lovelife hanggang sa mga pangarap niya sa buhay.

Kakaiba siya sa lahat ng lalaking nakilala ko no’n. Matalino siya…hindi siya nonsense kausap, pero hindi naman siya super seryoso na mabo-bore ka. Isa rin siyang hopeless-romantic at napaka-idealistic niya.

Since best friend ko siya, parati ko siya kasama. Madami nga nagsasabi na para daw kami mag-syota. Kilig naman ako pagka sinasabi nila yun. Kung alam lang nila…

Lahat ng niligawan niya kilala ko. Nasubukan ko nang maging taga-bigay ng chocolates at love letters sa babaeng nililigawan niya. Ilang beses na rin akong nag-volunteer para maging tulay. At pinautang ko rin siya one time dahil Valentine’s Day at wala siyang pera para ipang-date. Ang martyr ko no?

Minsan napagod na ako sa pagiging tulay, confidante, at halos nanay na diyan sa best friend ko at sinabi ko sa sarili ko… “Bahala na! Mangyari na ang mangyari! Kailangang malaman niya na ang nararamdaman ko!” So ayun, try ko na maging extra-sweet pa sa kanya. Sa totoo lang…hindi niya na-gets. Siguro sobra na kami close hindi nya na napansin ang difference. Kahit na nung naglakas loob na akong magsabi ng “I love you” , iba pa rin ang dating sa kanya. Friendly pa rin. Nag-give up na ako pagkatapos no’n.

Dumaan ang ilang buwan, nakuntento na lang ako na mahalin siya ng patago. Hanggang isang araw, hinila niya ako sa isang tabi para daw makapagusap ng masinsinan. Tapos sinabi niya, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Kasunod no’n ang mga rason kung bakit siya umibig sakin. Siyempre nagulat ako. Nung medyo nawala na yung shock ko, sabi ko sa isip ko “YESSSSSSS!!!”

Medyo lumulutang pa ako sa ere nang biglang nahuli ng tenga ko ang katangang ito “…pero ayokong i-sacrifice ang friendship natin kaya kalimutan mo na lang na sinabi ko sa’yo.” Anak ng pating naman wala pang ilang minuto binawi na agad! Hindi man lang hinintay ang reaksyon ko! Ramdam na ramdam ko yung paglagapak ng puso ko sa lupa. Masakit siya. Sa sobrang gulat ko hindi na ako nakapagsalita. Tumango na lang ako. Tamang tama nag-ring na ang bell at kailangan na naming pumasok sa classroom.

Pagkatapos no’n, pareho kami nagkunwaring walang nangyari. Medyo ilang pero sige, go.

Lumipas ang ilang buwan, grumadweyt kami sa high school. Pareho kami nag-UP pero magkaiba ang course namin. Naging halos imposible na magkita kami ng madalas. Nakatulong din yun para kalimutan ko siya.

Pero sa totoo lang, ngayon, pag naalala ko yung nangyari, natatawa na lang ako. Hindi ko na siya mahal. At hindi ko na rin siya best friend.