Posts Tagged ‘love’Not well again.Sunday, November 16th, 2008And so we are back to Timi coughing like a maniac. Change of weather sucks. Although…. Hubby’s been awfully nice to me these past few days…am su-huch a spoiled brat. Didn’t feel like going anywhere so I convinced hubby to just stay home all weekend. Enjoyed a lot of weekend cuddles…Just love ‘em…I think I can just live on that… When Love = Ouch?Monday, October 27th, 2008Despite of the fact that I should be writing something about snowmobile exhausts if I want some extra moolahs, I shall not be doing that today…Oh wait…I already put the link…Ohohohhohoho! sorry! Anyway, Mr. Potporotpotpot (ok fine, just Potpot) had posted a series of questions on a “plurk” thread that he had started related to one of the most-used, sensitive, and in-a-way quite complicated four-letter-word called LOVE. It reminded me about a discussion between one person and myself about the ugly side of romantic love and the things that she told me which was, somewhat true. Love is a strong emotion, and I believe that sometimes, a person really cannot help falling in love, no matter how complicated their circumstances are and despite of what society dictates or considers as right or wrong. Take for example having an affair with another man or women when one is already married, (Keep to mind, I am talking about real deep emotional involvement here, and not those cases where people are just simply thinking with their lower-body-parts.), or falling in love with a cousin, or those who fall in love to a person way below their social standing, or falling in love with someone you have not met, even falling in love with someone who is emotionally unstable. Most of the time, such scenarios result to hearts being broken not only of the persons involved, but also others who are close to them. In a situation like this, probably at first, one would not care whether it is wrong or right. As long as your love is being returned, to hell with the rest of the world, right? But eventually the world will force itself on you, whether you like it or not. That is the time when you start wanting, even demanding, things from each other that neither of you can give, you have to start struggling, you have to start fighting for it, you will have to hurt other people who do care for you, you have to start making choices, choices that would eventually have a huge impact to everybody close to you…That is the time when you have to think…Is that love really worth it? And when you do answer that question, you know that you already had lost something big. Something that had always been a part of you that you just had to give up and you probably not be able to have again for the rest of your life…It can be your parent’s trust…It can be your children’s love….It can be respect that you worked so hard to earn… Probably falling in love is something someone just could not help. But it takes one to make a decision to take that step…to act out their feelings…to take that plunge that would probably drown you later on. Of “Prince Charming”s and “Happily Ever After”sWednesday, October 22nd, 2008I’ve always been a sucker for romance and happy endings…. I was (and always is by the way), a lover of fairy-tales. My favorite had always been Cinderella, and other similar stories with a “riches to rags and then back to riches” theme. Of course, they usually involve the handsome Prince Charming who comes and saves the mistreated beauty from her awful predicament. Gothic romance added to my lot of favorite reads, particularly those written by Victoria Holt. Almost similar, but not quite. The handsome Prince Charming had become the head of a distinguished Cornish family, and the patient, almost-meek and mistreated heroine, had become a lady with noble breeding, or a governess, strong-willed and unyielding to the shadows and dark secrets of the manor. The “Prince Charming + Happily Ever After” concept, which was the major ingredient of the popular anime Sailormoon, had brought me closer to the world of Japanese animation and manga. I started writing stories then too, and the concept carried through almost all of my fictional works. It was then that I realized that wasn’t really the character of the “Prince Charming” that captivated me all these years, it was the “The Savior, Protector and Avenger” and the “Happily Ever After” part was actually just the preferred ending of love developed between two people, living in almost different worlds, through a meeting set up by chance, or for some people, Fate. I mean, what are the chances of a member of royalty really inviting all the ladies of the land to his birthday ball? And yet it still happened. And Cinderella, despite of having a difficult life, was able to go and both were able to meet. And then, Prince Charming became her savior, her protector and her avenger…punishing all that had done her wrong. Back then, I may have not seen myself as a “Cinderella”. However, through my grandmama and grandpapa, I had witnessed the possibility of true love between two people who probably would never had thought that there will be a chance for them to meet at all. He was a son of one of the land-owning families in Leyte, and she, lived all her life in Manila and whose family was so poor (according to her) that she walked barefoot to school. But they did meet, fell inlove and got married. She became the heroine and he became, not only her Prince Charming but her Sworn Protector as well of their own fairy tale—they had their own “happily ever after” ending. I will not tell how exactly I had met my husband, but we can both assure you that our roads would never had crossed if not because of Chance or Fate or any Divine intervention. We did not meet in Kuwait, I came here to be with him and what actually transpired before that was a series of impossibilities that was made possible. But whether it was Fate or Chance or Divine intervention…For me, I had found my Prince Charming and we are living our own fairy tale…hoping for a “Happily-Ever-After” ending. To Hubby:Monday, October 6th, 2008There was a time that my world for me was like the sound of that very familiar flat-line beep—constant and unchanging, stretched up to what it seems like eternity, until that is, released from it’s lifeless source. My choice of existence was of a peculiar, unnoticeable yet perfected way of disconnection between the world, me, and my inner-self, of which I had kept protected, seldom, if not never, exposed to what I believed to be contaminating essence of “actually living”. I laughed with a lot of people, I smiled at a lot of people, but when I cried, I cried alone, in the darkness where even I cannot even see my own tears, and in silence, that even I cannot hear myself. And despite of the fact that what I was at that time could probably be explained by a series of psychological babbling (of which, by the way, still amuses me ’til now, so much that I still like researching about it), I will have to say that I was not like those people who thought they were “lost”. I knew what I wanted, I knew what I was in. I did not hate the world. I did not hate myself either. I was just an individual who knew that I feel too much…for anything, anybody, everybody and everything, someone who was trying to protect something that was too fragile that it could easily break. And you…You forcefully dug me out from whatever darkness I had created for myself. You said, “From now on, you don’t have to protect yourself, I will protect you.” Slowly you flooded my sight with blues, reds and yellows and I never knew until it was already too late—I just found myself helplessly drowning in what was once the grey-coloured desert I had put myself in, and it was terrifying… But since then, I had always been happy…for the last eight years of my life, I had truly been (and still am) very, very happy. The emptiness that I never even knew existed has been filled. You, who have the ability to speak right to my heart, have broken every-single barrier I had made. Thanks to you, I can cry out loud now, if need be, and I’m not scared of breaking anymore. You kept your promise, you were always there to protect me. I love you. Happy Anniversary, my love. “I promise you the moon…”Sunday, September 21st, 2008“Promise the moon” The said phrase is an English idiom that means “to promise something impossible”. But when it comes to romance and courtship, it usually promising someone the moon pertains to someone (usually the male) promising to do whatever it takes to make the object of that person’s affection happy. But according to this site not only you can promise someone the moon, you can actually fulfill that promise”—well, sort of. It seems that this site gives you an option to buy properties on the moon. Interesting isn’t it? Personally I think it would be a unique and wonderful gift. Just imagine your special someone coming up to you and saying “Remember when I promised you I’d give you the moon? I can’t get you the whole thing, but at least I tried… “ and then handing you a proof of ownership of lunar property. Nyahahah! Awesome! So, what do you think? I think it’s really cool to buy the moon for your loved one! At least some part of it, that is… Hubby’s old letterTuesday, September 16th, 2008I was just looking through some old emails and found this letter he had sent me last June 17 last year.
He’s such a sweet bugger isn’t he? Then and Now…Now and Then…Wednesday, August 20th, 2008When I was 4 years old, everytime I was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I used to say, “I want to be a nun.” A year after that, I learned that nuns cannot get married, and since I have this huge crush on a fellow-classmate named JR (He’s a real mestizo—brown hair, brown eyes, long eyelashes and rosy cheeks), I decided I wanted to be an accountant like my Grandpapa. Math had always been my favorite subject anyway, so it’s all good. A few weeks after our pre-school graduation ceremony, I realized that I will never hear from JR again, and since I never bothered to know what his real full name was, I had to forget my dream of the two of us getting married and settling in some huge mansion in Europe or the States (yes, I had always been that ambitious *cough*and materialistic*cough* even when young). Well, it was more of like, I forgot that dream and replaced it with “I will marry any other nice and uber handsome, brown-haired and brown-eyed mestizo and we’ll settle in some huge mansion in Europe or the States. We’ll have at least 10 maids, 5 Mercedes-Benz’s and our own Jet plane too.” Of course, that other nice and uber handsome mestizo has to have the same nature as my Grandpapa, at least 4 months older than I am, smarter or at least as smart as I was (I am not being egotistic here, EVERYBODY WHO PRACTICALLY KNEW ME at that time told me I was smart and very intelligent, ay?), will never grow a mustache, and would still look as fresh as he had just taken a bath even after playing basketball (or whatever) in a very humid summer afternoon. And yes, I was this specific at 5 years old. I was lucky enough to have met those type of boys, and of course, I ended up having crushes on them— my biggest crush was a neighbor who did not only possess the characteristics I had mentioned above, but also speaks fluent English, was a child actor when he was like, 4 or 5 years old, AND, his Grandmama (who was a Spanish-speaking beauty) was very friendly with my Grandmama. They were so friendly, that they used to tease us that they wouldn’t mind arranging a marriage between the two of us when we get older. I secretly loved the idea. He hated it. When I was in 1st year of high school, I discovered the world of anime through Sailormoon. And that was the first time I started having crushes on anime-characters. I wasn’t alone, there were a lot of girls like me who fell for them 2-dimentional bishounens. And when I met Lantis, of Magic Knights Rayearth, I just had to add, “looks very cold and uncaring but really sweet”, “serious”, “seldom smiles in front of other people but always smiles when he is with me” to the list of characteristics I was looking for. I knew then that living in a mansion in Europe or the States, the 20 maids, 5 luxury cars and the jet plain were barely possible, so I kept the “only-if-we-ended-up-really-filthy-rich” condition with it. I ”downgraded” the what I called “THE DREAM” down to 2 maids, a car, a dog, two-story house with a gate, garage and a lawn, both of us having jobs that would make each of us earn at least 30k a month, and at least 4 kids. I am married now. My husband, when he was young, looked like a meztiso—very fair with light brown hair and brown eyes. His hair had grown much darker, and he’s sporting a mustache which, suprisingly I grew to like. He speaks not only fluent English (no Indian accent, thank God!), but also fluent Portuguese. His nature is like my Grandpapa’s and even if he says he’s a dud…I really do believe that he’s very smart. He’s a joker actually, but he always have this special smile for me, and he can be serious when needed—That will do There is no mansion in Europe or the States—only a 2-bedroom flat here in Kuwait, and another 2 bedroom flat in Goa, which we share with his parents. We don’t have a dog, we have one Persian cat, and about 14 (or more!) street cats outside. The two-story house with a gate, garage and a lawn might become something like a 4-5 bedroom bungalow instead….but we’ll get it in the future…there is still time. The car, we’ll be getting most probably in December, but not here in Kuwait, it’s quite scary to drive here…and the two maids? Hmm…we don’t need them yet What about the luxury cars and the jet plain, you might ask. As I said, there is still time. I just have to post ‘em all today….Thursday, July 10th, 2008Another Tagalog one…written in 2004… Mahal kita. Hindi mo ako mahal. Magkaibigan tayo. Lumang istorya na yan. Ilang beses na nangyari sa ibang tao yan. Ilang tao na rin ang nagsulat ng mga kwento tungkol dyan. O eh ano ngayon…eh sa masakit eh! Ang hirap kaya itago ang nararamdaman mo sa isang taong kilalang-kilala ka. Nakaka-guilty kaya. Feeling ko tuloy araw-araw na lang ako nagsisinungaling sa pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko. Eh okay pa yung umiibig sa malayo eh, yung tipong natotorpe lang at hindi makalapit. Kasi nga hindi mo na kailangan ng katakot-takot na pagkukunwari. Eh ako, kailangan ko pa umarte na parang wala lang kahit na halos nanginginig na ako pag yumayakap ka sakin…pag may twing sasabihin ako kailangan i-kontrol ko pa yung sarili kong boses…kailangan kong matutong tumingin sa mga mata mo ng diretso ng hindi masyadong tumititig. Parati ko nga sinasabi ko sa sarili ko “Easy ka lang! Sige ka pag nalunod ka dyan sa mga matang yan eh todas ang labas mo.” Pero wala eh, mahal talaga kita. At sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, tama ang sabi nila, korny na kung korny pero totoo—mas gugustuhin mo pa na maging kaibigan niya lang kesa sa wala. Kaya nga di kita maiwas-iwasan. Kahit na malapit na sumabog ang dibdib ko sa sakit. Sa totoo lang matagal na ‘to eh. Actually, nagumpisa talaga ‘to nung sabi mo may gusto kang ligawan eh. Yun nga lang, hindi ko lang inaamin sa sarili ko. Ayoko kayang magkaganito. Eh leche naman kasi yang ulan yan eh! Ikaw din kasi ang tanga-tanga mo, ala kang payong, ang kapal mo pa nung nakisukob ka…Pero ang sarap ng pakiramdam. Lalo na nung nagkatagpo ang mga mata natin…Para kang biglang lalong gumuwapo sa paningin ko…Leche talaga! Leche!—Kaya lang alam mo, nung sandaling yon, talagang hindi ko na mapigilan eh…Kinailangan ko na tanggapin na mahal kita. Ilang buwan na nga pala ang nakaraan nang nangyari yon? Ah oo, mahigit isang taon na pala. Tingin ko simula no’n mejo nagtry ako magbago para mapansin mo. Marami nga nagsabi gumaganda daw ako eh. Dami nga nanligaw din sakin eh, pero para sa’yo, one of the boys ako. Ganun naman parati di ba? Kahit nga nung natuto akong lumandi at magmake-up one of the boys pa rin ako. ‘Tol’ pa rin ang tawag mo sa akin. “Tol, pakopya naman nung assignment sa Comm2 o…”, “Tol, peram naman ng bolpen, wala na pala tinta ang sakin…”, “Tol, girlfriend ko na si Shiela…”, “Tol, nag-away kami ni Shiela. Kausapin mo naman…close naman kayo di ba?” Ano nga pala yung sinabi ko sa’yo nun? Ah… “’Lul! Kausapin mo mag-isa mo! Problema nyong dalawa yan idadamay mo pa ako…” Oo nga lahat ng girlfriend mo nagiging ka-close ko pero naman, pati ba naman yun, iaasa mo pa sakin? Nagbreak kayo ni Shiela, pero may kasunod agad. Hindi ako yun. Parati ka na lang sakin tumatakbo pag nakikipagbreak sayo ang girlfriends mo. Nakakapagod na nga eh. Pero alam mo ang hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sila ang nakikipagbreak sayo. Nakita kasi kita kung pano ka mag-alaga eh…Kung pano ka magmahal. Grabe! Kakaiba! Mas lalo ko tuloy dinadasal na sana ako na lang… Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan na na-inlab ako sayo eh. Nagrereklamo lang ako kasi nasasaktan ako. Natural lang yung magreklamo ako… O eto ka nanaman, kumakatok sa bintana ng kwarto ko…ala-una na ng umaga ah! Ganda naman ng timing mo mang-istorbo. Kung kelan magang-maga ang mga mata ko sa kaiiyak dahil sayo tsaka mo pa naisipan bumisita. Alam ko namang ikaw yan. Wala naman ibang tao ang ganun kabobo na bibisita sakin ng gantong oras. Siguro lasing ka nanaman ano? Binuksan ko ang bintana. Tama ako, mukhang marami-rami ang nainom mo. Buti na nga siguro yon, hindi mo mapapansin ang pamumugto ng mata ko. Yun nga lang, ako, hindi lasing, kaya kitang kita ko na maga ang mga mata mo. Eto ang ayaw ko eh! Yang nagmumuka kang pinagsukluban ng langit at lupa. Iniwan muna kitang nakaupo sa silya sa tabi ng kama ko. Nagtimpla ako ng kape na binigay ko sayo pagkabalik ko sa kwarto. “Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Mae…” ang sabi mo sabay hagulgol. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano na ang gagawin ko. Nararamdaman ko kasi ang sakit na nararamdaman mo eh. “Ano ba kasi ang nangyari?” Hindi ka sumagot, niyakap mo ako ng mahigpit. Amoy alak ka…pero ok lang sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung kelan naglapat ang labi natin. Ayoko nang isipin…ayoko mag-isip. Minsan lang ito mangyayari sa akin. At palagay ko hindi na ito mauulit. Ito lang ang pagkakataon na maparamdam ko sa’yo kung gaano kita kamahal, dito sa isang halik na ito…Tutal hindi mo naman maaalala ito kinabukasan. Hindi ko alam kung kelan natapos yung halik. Para ngang biglang gumana agad yung kapeng pinainom ko sayo at bigla kang nahimasmasan…Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Binuhos ko ang buong damdamin ko sa isang halik na yon. “I’m sorry,” ang sabi mo sa akin. Tumango lang ako. Patuloy mong ininom ang kape matapos no’n…At ako? Nakaupo lang sa tabi mo…Tahimik. “Tol…please…kausapin mo siya…” Bakit kaya ata mas masakit ngayon? Dahil ba na-realize ko na isa akong tanga na nagsasayang ng pagmamahal sayo? O dahil sa kahit sinubukan kong iparamdam sayo ang pagmamahal ko, wala pa rin saysay ito para sayo? “Tol…” “Hindi ko ugaling makisali sa away ng magsyota.” “Don’t be so selfish Mae!” “T*ng ina mo! Sinasabi mo lang yan dahil wala kang alam!” Hindi ko na talaga mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko. T*ng ina mo talaga naman talaga eh! Hindi mo napapansin…kung gaano ako nasasaktan… “Tol!” “Wala kang alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko! Hindi mo alam na mahal kita! T*ng ina…Mahal kita! Yun lang naman eh…ayoko makisali sa away nyo…tapos selfish na ako…” At sinumbat ko lahat ang ginawa ko para sayo. Hindi naman ako talaga nanunumbat pero masyado na ako nasasaktan eh…Sinabi ko sayo kung gaano kasakit ang makita kang kapiling ng iba…Lahat ng sama ng loob ko sinabi ko sa’yo. At pagkatapos no’n pinagtabuyan kita palabas ng kwarto ko… Pero hindi ka umalis eh… “Akala mo lang yo’n hindi ko alam kung gaano kasakit…” ang sabi mo. “Alam mo ba, lahat ng naging girlfriends ko…niligawan ko lang kasi hindi kita maligawan. Takot kasi akong masira friendship natin eh. Sa iba ko na lang binaling pagmamahal ko.” Niyakap mo ulit ako. “Pinapakausap kita sa kanila kasi baka sakali sabihin nila ang rason kung bakit kami naghihiwalay…Kasi hindi ko masabi…Ang akala mo kaya ako naglalasing bawat break up dahil sa kanila…Ang totoo, hindi ko matanggap na ang babaeng mahal ko, hindi mapapasakin dahil sa natatakot ako mawala ka…Hindi ko kaya…Hindi ko kaya…” Hindi ako makapaniwala. Kahit na nung hinalikan mo na ulet ako parang hindi pa rin totoo. “Ang tanga natin no?” ang sabi ko sayo. Tumawa ka. Tumawa rin ako. Ang tanga natin. More of mah old cwap…Thursday, July 10th, 2008For Him Tomorrow when the sun spreads his warm rays of love in this part of the world, I will wear a smile of happiness on my face. As for tonight, I am going to wipe these tears that had been trickling on my cheeks. I have been crying all the while, half of the time because of utter despair and half of the time because of utter joy. This is one of my earliest works. I wrote it in 1999…or 2000 I think. Bata pa ako no’n!. ***** Here’s another one…written in 2003. Na-inlove na ba kayo sa matalik niyong kaibigan? Ako, oo. High school ako no’n. At alam kong ‘love’ nga yun at hindi crush lang o kung ano. And hirap nga eh, lalo na at best friend ko pa talaga siya. Lahat sinasabi niya sakin, wala talaga siya tinatago. Alam ko lahat, simula sa mga problema niya sa pamilya at lovelife hanggang sa mga pangarap niya sa buhay. Kakaiba siya sa lahat ng lalaking nakilala ko no’n. Matalino siya…hindi siya nonsense kausap, pero hindi naman siya super seryoso na mabo-bore ka. Isa rin siyang hopeless-romantic at napaka-idealistic niya. Since best friend ko siya, parati ko siya kasama. Madami nga nagsasabi na para daw kami mag-syota. Kilig naman ako pagka sinasabi nila yun. Kung alam lang nila… Lahat ng niligawan niya kilala ko. Nasubukan ko nang maging taga-bigay ng chocolates at love letters sa babaeng nililigawan niya. Ilang beses na rin akong nag-volunteer para maging tulay. At pinautang ko rin siya one time dahil Valentine’s Day at wala siyang pera para ipang-date. Ang martyr ko no? Minsan napagod na ako sa pagiging tulay, confidante, at halos nanay na diyan sa best friend ko at sinabi ko sa sarili ko… “Bahala na! Mangyari na ang mangyari! Kailangang malaman niya na ang nararamdaman ko!” So ayun, try ko na maging extra-sweet pa sa kanya. Sa totoo lang…hindi niya na-gets. Siguro sobra na kami close hindi nya na napansin ang difference. Kahit na nung naglakas loob na akong magsabi ng “I love you” , iba pa rin ang dating sa kanya. Friendly pa rin. Nag-give up na ako pagkatapos no’n. Dumaan ang ilang buwan, nakuntento na lang ako na mahalin siya ng patago. Hanggang isang araw, hinila niya ako sa isang tabi para daw makapagusap ng masinsinan. Tapos sinabi niya, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Kasunod no’n ang mga rason kung bakit siya umibig sakin. Siyempre nagulat ako. Nung medyo nawala na yung shock ko, sabi ko sa isip ko “YESSSSSSS!!!” Medyo lumulutang pa ako sa ere nang biglang nahuli ng tenga ko ang katangang ito “…pero ayokong i-sacrifice ang friendship natin kaya kalimutan mo na lang na sinabi ko sa’yo.” Anak ng pating naman wala pang ilang minuto binawi na agad! Hindi man lang hinintay ang reaksyon ko! Ramdam na ramdam ko yung paglagapak ng puso ko sa lupa. Masakit siya. Sa sobrang gulat ko hindi na ako nakapagsalita. Tumango na lang ako. Tamang tama nag-ring na ang bell at kailangan na naming pumasok sa classroom. Pagkatapos no’n, pareho kami nagkunwaring walang nangyari. Medyo ilang pero sige, go. Lumipas ang ilang buwan, grumadweyt kami sa high school. Pareho kami nag-UP pero magkaiba ang course namin. Naging halos imposible na magkita kami ng madalas. Nakatulong din yun para kalimutan ko siya. Pero sa totoo lang, ngayon, pag naalala ko yung nangyari, natatawa na lang ako. Hindi ko na siya mahal. At hindi ko na rin siya best friend. Old things I’ve writtenThursday, July 10th, 2008I was just looking at my old tabulas site and I have found some of the things I had written YEARRRS ago. And since I FEEL REALLY GUILTY LOOSING MOST OF MY WRITTEN WORKS…I figured I should post ‘em here. So anyway, here is my written nonsense no.1. — written in Tagalog and was inspired by the MMORPG called “Ragnarok Online” (I was so darn addicted to that bloody game at that time…)— Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano ko nagagawang maghintay. Kung tutuusin, wala talaga akong pasensya pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. Pero eto ako, nakaupo sa isang maliit ngunit mataas na kubo na matatagpuan sa kabundukan ng Mjonir, maya’t-maya’y tinitignan ang kapaligiran sa pamamagitan ng mga teleskopyong nakasabit, o kung di kaya ay pinagmamasdan ang ilog sa baba na sumasalamin sa di-nagbabagong bughaw na langit sa itaas nito. Walang araw na hindi natin pinupuntahan ang lugar na ito, simula ng dinala mo ako rito ilang buwan na rin ang nakakaraan. Magkaibigan pa lang tayo no’n, hindi ba? Siguro dahil pareho lang tayong nangangailanan ng kasama kaya tayo napalapit sa isa’t isa. Naaalala mo pa ba nang nagtapat ka at sinabi mo sa aking walang nang saysay para sayo ang mundong ito, kung wala ako sa tabi mo? Napangiti lang ako. Alam ko kasing kahit bali-baligtarin mo man ang lahat, ang mundong sinasabi mo ay isa lamang malaking laro kung saan ikaw ay hindi ikaw at ako ay hindi ako. At alam ko, na ang tunay mong mundo ay sadyang iikot, at mananatiling may saysay, kahit na wala ako. Pero di tulad mo, madali akong madala. Sa araw-araw nating pagsasama ay hindi napigilan ng tunay kong sarili na mapa-ibig sa iyo. Kaya hindi ko napigilang umasa na siguro, tulad ko, natutunan mo na ring mahalin ang tunay na tao sa likod ng kasa-kasama mo sa pekeng mundong ito. Kaya eto ako ngayon, naghihintay sa pagdating mo. At tulad ng inaasahan ko, ayan ka na sa harap ko. “Kanina ka pa ba?” tanong mo sa akin. “Hindi naman.” “Pasensya na ha? Napaghintay pa kita.” “Okay lang.” “Na-miss kita,” ang sabi mo, sabay halik sa akin. “Ako rin, sobra,” Mabuti na lang at hindi totoo, kung hindi ay siguradong maririnig mo ang malakas na kabog ng puso ko. “Bakit mo nga pala piniling magkita tayo ng mas maaga ngayon?” “Ano kasi…” Paano ko ba ito sasabihin? Gusto na kita makita? Mahal na kita talaga? “Ano?” “Gusto ko sanang sabihin sa’yo na—“ “Na?” “Mahal kita.” Natawa ka nang marinig ang sinabi ko. “Ah, yun lang ba? Alam ko naman yun eh.” “Ang ibig kong sabihin eh, mahal na talaga kita.” Bigla kang walang maisagot. Ilang segundo muna ang nakalipas bago ka nakapagsalita. “Sinabi ko naman sa’yo, di ba? Kaya nga ikaw ang pinili ko dahil akala ko, pareho tayo ng pananaw….” “Iba dito, iba sa labas hindi ba? Ikaw naman, di ka man lang mabiro. Alam ko naman eh.” Halos nararamdaman ko ang pagluwag ng kalooban mo nang sinabi ko ang mga katagang iyon. “Mahal naman eh! Wag mo nga akong lolokohin ng ganyan.” Tama ako, para sa’yo, ang laro ay laro at walang kinalaman sa tunay na buhay. Masakit para sa akin marinig ang mga sinasabi mo, pero kasalanan ko, umasa ako masyado. |
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. And no, he does not smell