Posts Tagged ‘Written Works’
Tuesday, January 5th, 2010
Under the Clear Evening Sky
I kiss your sweet lips and sighed,
as I held your body close to mine.
You called me, and I am now here
My love, there is nothing more you should fear.
“You looked so beautiful”, I said as I carried you,
“No jests, my dear, what I say is true.
I am here, my love, and I will leave you never
Didn’t I tell you that my love is forever?
A promise I had sworn to you many years had past
A promise that I know that will always last.
What were the words I said again?” I asked and pondered,
hoping that you would help me but from you there was no answer.
“To the grave!” the breeze seemed to utter.
Yes indeed! ‘To the grave!’ How could I not have remembered?
Come, my dear I will now take you home;
You must have been so scared, being here all alone.
“Look your clothes are all filthy,” I say,
“We must get home soon and wash this dirt away.”
Still you remained as silent as before
“Alright” I said, “if you wish to sleep, I will say nothing more.”
Moments had past there was only silence and then
I looked at your face and started talking again.
“I heard them many times; they said I am going mad.
They said many things, things that made me sad.
They said, oh so many things! Like you are dead and gone,
But deep in my heart I know they are wrong.
They are wrong,” I said, as I started to cry
I looked up, and there was nothing there, but the clear evening sky.
The Corpse
Endless pain ebbed through my torn flesh.
As I breathe my last, anger consumes me.
You, who had condemned my soul to the eternal fire,
feel the wrath of this dying heart.
Hear my curse, you, whose hands are stained with my blood:
that this anguished face will forever hunt you,
that the stench of my blood will never leave you,
that my restless spirit will forever follow you,
until your death, and beyond.
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
I apologize for the long delay (if anybody at all cares for the continuation of this story). I was preoccupied with work-related bulls**t I’d rather not elaborate on, and writing (of any form) was the last thing on my mind.
So here it is, the 2nd part of “The Curse”. Enjoy…
***
He remembered being told to sit down, before his father started with his narrative. “It is necessary that you do,” his father insisted when he declined. And when he realized how upset and disturbed his father was, he relented and swore to him that he would listen.
“The first Senor Febin Crisostomo dela Vega was born in the Far East, a result of a union between a General and his not-so-Spanish wife. On the day he was born, the midwife was almost sure that the child would not survive at that time, as she was very much aware that the woman’s early labour (and later on, death) was caused by the violent beatings she had received from her high-tempered husband.”
“General dela Vega spoiled his son rotten, and it was actually him who introduced the boy to the world of debauchery. Febin Crisostomo dela Vega grew up to be a troublemaker with an uncontrollable thirst for wine, opium and of course, like is father, bedding women, may they be willing or not. One of these women, was Dulce Mercado, daughter of a Chinese mestizo and an eccentric yet very beautiful woman who was rumored to have descended from one of the famous native kings who had conducted a ‘blood pact’ with the early conquerors. The moment he saw Dulce, he immediately expressed his wanting to have the then fifteen-year old girl to his father.”
“Of course, he got what he wanted. And after ravishing the young girl over and over until he got tired of her, he gave her to his father, who willingly had his fill as well. They left her outside the gates of the Mercado home after the terrible ordeal, naked and defiled, and her sanity gone. Little did they know, that they themselves had marked their own grave, for her mother, Caridad, had knowledge of the ancient forbidden arts of her native ancestors. Somehow she was able to find out who was responsible for her daughter’s fate.”
“Caridad was a brave woman, she confronted the dela Vegas, and told them that they will pay for what they had done to her daughter…They denied everything of course, and laughed at her. After a few days, General dela Vega caught a mysterious disease that the father and son decided to pack their bags and go back to Madrid. The old man’s unusually-expanding stomach seemed to be growing at a very fast rate. They tried to find a doctor that could cure him, but all the specialists could not find out what was actually wrong with the general’s body. He lived long enough to make sure his son marries a daughter of a wealthy family. They found the General’s body the day after his son’s wedding, his stomach seemed to have burst open, with insects, worms and maggots coming out from the flesh…”
“Febin started having nightmares after that. Night after night he dreamt of Caridad telling him that her revenge was not yet over and he will soon be next. And that his sin was too great that his descendants would also have to pay.”
“My son, listen to me. Once you get married the nightmares of Caridad will come. Like myself and the others before me, your firstborn will be male, of which you will name after our ancestor…Trust me, it cannot be helped, you may think of many names, but in the end it is the name Febin Crisostomo that will come out of your lips…The nightmares of Caridad will stop, but pure terror will begin….”
“Unlike you I was not warned by my father. The night after you were born I came to see your mother before I went to sleep in the other room. I remember how she looked so pale and weak…and how I whispered to her that I was proud of her…”
“…When I turned to leave, I felt her strong grip on my arm, and then I saw her eyes…I knew that wasn’t my wife lying there, it was Caridad. She smiled, and with an extraordinary strength she threw me down on the floor. She got up and like a wild animal she started attacking me, and all I could think about was…why wasn’t anybody coming to help me? I tried to run away from her, but I couldn’t, she was too fast, too strong…”
“I called your mother’s name, over and over…hoping that she will come back to her senses…hoping that she will fight to take control of her own body again…I prayed out loud, and the woman laughed and mocked me….In the end, I was forced to…I was forced to…”
He begged his father to stop talking, but the old man continued, “Luckily, if you call it that, it was my father who found me beside your mother’s lifeless body. There were no traces of the commotion that happened that night before…except that is, she was dead. Somehow we were able to convince everybody that her death an accident and it was also only then that my father told me about the curse. And yes, like the others, my father died the same way as our ancestor, the general did.”
Febin remembered coming out of that room and seeing the beautiful face of his Corazon, the love of his life. Then and there he made his decision, “With me, it will be different…”.
Until now, even when years already had passed since that night, people still talk about how he humiliated his fiancee in front of the guests, and how he had turned the whole evening into a disaster. This was the start of his journey to self-destruction. He will not end his life, no…He will pay for his ancestor’s sins in his own way. He will live his life making people see him as they should have seen the great Senor Febin Crisostomo dela Vega and his descendants…and the curse will end with him.
Friday, December 12th, 2008
There were no testimony during her trials that the “Blood Countess” Elizabeth Bathory really did bathe on virgins’ blood because she believed it would give her eternal youth. But she became a legend and more famous to the younger generations because of the stories about her doing so…
I decided to write something — a sort of vignette, if you will, of her and what was probably going in her insane mind at that moment.
Vanity is my weakness, and that I will never deny. I am, after all, the most beautiful woman in the whole kingdom, and even the whole world. And although you might probably think I am insane, it does not matter to me. To me you are nothing: you live in my lands, therefore you are my property. For me, your essence will be mine, very soon if I might add, and I will be more beautiful.
You are so young…and your skin, so soft…But whatever youth and beauty you might possess, you do not deserve. It is meant to fade very quickly, due to hardships that you are fated to suffer, as a woman of your class. Whilst I will continue on being flawless for years, and age will not have power over me.
You are terrified, I can tell. Unfortunately, your fate would be much worse than you think. But what ecstasy it would be for me! Death would not be enough, my poor, poor girl. I want not only your blood, but your tears and your screams…
So, let us begin, shall we?
Monday, November 24th, 2008
I just stood there. I did not know for how long, but I just stood there. It was only when I felt cold drops of water fall from the clouded sky above me that I recovered from my stunned stance. I did not bother to wipe my cheeks, which were wet long before the rain had started. Instead I lifted my head up hoping the rain would wash the tears on my face. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it could only help me hide the traces of sorrow that continued to flow, not make them go away. I sighed, and started to walk back home.
It was only hours before that I had passed the same path with him, smiling and happy, my arms wrapped around his waist…I shook my head out of sadness…It was all my fault. Just like the other times…
And when I say, it was entirely my fault, it truly is. I have a lot of insecurities. The fact that women always find him attractive did not help. I am always scared…Scared that eventually he might leave me. Not because I don’t trust him, it was because I feel like I do not deserve him.
He had always been patient with me. It was seldom that he had ever raised his voice during an argument. Most of the times, he would just accept everything that would come out of my mouth, no matter how hurtful it might sound…Sometimes, he would even apologize to me despite of the fact he haven’t done anything wrong.
But today’s argument ended up differently. He held me tight, and said, “Honey, I love you so much…but I guess…no matter how I try, I could never make you see how much you mean to me…I’m sorry.” After that he just let go, bowed his head and walked away.
I wanted to call out his name, tell him to come back, run after him…tell him I am sorry. I wanted to do all these…but I just stood there and let him leave.
And then when I was in front of my house, the realization that I might have lost him for good came to me in full force. Quickly I turned around and started to run towards his house. It was then that I saw him, running towards me, a black umbrella over his head. We both stopped and stood silently, facing each other. And then he spoke… “You are all wet…”
“Yes…Yes I am…”
“You’ll get sick…”
“Maybe…”
“I’m sorry,” both of us said at the same time. He then stepped closer to me, and used his free hand to pull me to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned towards him. I felt him place a kiss on top of my head. “I really didn’t know why I walked out like that…I…I was going to come back because I realized that you didn’t have an umbrella with you.”
“I love you, you know that?”
“Yes I know…”
“And you love me…”
“Yes, good you know…” I playfully hit him on his shoulder upon hearing his reply. “Come, I’ll walk with you home.” I nodded.
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
I submitted a short story (if you can call it that) to AZRAEL as a reply for his INVITATION. Actually this is the 2nd submission since the first one was an old work of mine which would already had been re-published quite a number of times already in the web.
Anyway, you can read it here… http://azraelworld.com/2008/11/20/rosas-by-timi/
Tuesday, September 16th, 2008
Sweet is the song of a woeful heart
Bitter is it’s tune;
Wrapped with a cloak of solitude
In the arms of the weeping moon.
Parched are the lips of the woeful heart
Weak and ever-pale,
And still in no cup shall it drink,
No liquid shall it sip.
The crimson eyes of the woeful heart
Is filled with bloody tears,
Of rage and sorrow and bitterness
Collected through the years.
Death is the wish of the woeful heart
It cries for its release
From the cruelty of the world it lives
To lie, forever in the land of bliss.
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
Another Tagalog one…written in 2004…
Mahal kita. Hindi mo ako mahal. Magkaibigan tayo. Lumang istorya na yan. Ilang beses na nangyari sa ibang tao yan. Ilang tao na rin ang nagsulat ng mga kwento tungkol dyan. O eh ano ngayon…eh sa masakit eh!
Ang hirap kaya itago ang nararamdaman mo sa isang taong kilalang-kilala ka. Nakaka-guilty kaya. Feeling ko tuloy araw-araw na lang ako nagsisinungaling sa pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko.
Eh okay pa yung umiibig sa malayo eh, yung tipong natotorpe lang at hindi makalapit. Kasi nga hindi mo na kailangan ng katakot-takot na pagkukunwari. Eh ako, kailangan ko pa umarte na parang wala lang kahit na halos nanginginig na ako pag yumayakap ka sakin…pag may twing sasabihin ako kailangan i-kontrol ko pa yung sarili kong boses…kailangan kong matutong tumingin sa mga mata mo ng diretso ng hindi masyadong tumititig. Parati ko nga sinasabi ko sa sarili ko “Easy ka lang! Sige ka pag nalunod ka dyan sa mga matang yan eh todas ang labas mo.”
Pero wala eh, mahal talaga kita. At sa mga ganitong sitwasyon, tama ang sabi nila, korny na kung korny pero totoo—mas gugustuhin mo pa na maging kaibigan niya lang kesa sa wala. Kaya nga di kita maiwas-iwasan. Kahit na malapit na sumabog ang dibdib ko sa sakit.
Sa totoo lang matagal na ‘to eh. Actually, nagumpisa talaga ‘to nung sabi mo may gusto kang ligawan eh. Yun nga lang, hindi ko lang inaamin sa sarili ko. Ayoko kayang magkaganito. Eh leche naman kasi yang ulan yan eh! Ikaw din kasi ang tanga-tanga mo, ala kang payong, ang kapal mo pa nung nakisukob ka…Pero ang sarap ng pakiramdam. Lalo na nung nagkatagpo ang mga mata natin…Para kang biglang lalong gumuwapo sa paningin ko…Leche talaga! Leche!—Kaya lang alam mo, nung sandaling yon, talagang hindi ko na mapigilan eh…Kinailangan ko na tanggapin na mahal kita. Ilang buwan na nga pala ang nakaraan nang nangyari yon? Ah oo, mahigit isang taon na pala.
Tingin ko simula no’n mejo nagtry ako magbago para mapansin mo. Marami nga nagsabi gumaganda daw ako eh. Dami nga nanligaw din sakin eh, pero para sa’yo, one of the boys ako. Ganun naman parati di ba? Kahit nga nung natuto akong lumandi at magmake-up one of the boys pa rin ako. ‘Tol’ pa rin ang tawag mo sa akin. “Tol, pakopya naman nung assignment sa Comm2 o…”, “Tol, peram naman ng bolpen, wala na pala tinta ang sakin…”, “Tol, girlfriend ko na si Shiela…”, “Tol, nag-away kami ni Shiela. Kausapin mo naman…close naman kayo di ba?” Ano nga pala yung sinabi ko sa’yo nun? Ah… “’Lul! Kausapin mo mag-isa mo! Problema nyong dalawa yan idadamay mo pa ako…” Oo nga lahat ng girlfriend mo nagiging ka-close ko pero naman, pati ba naman yun, iaasa mo pa sakin?
Nagbreak kayo ni Shiela, pero may kasunod agad. Hindi ako yun. Parati ka na lang sakin tumatakbo pag nakikipagbreak sayo ang girlfriends mo. Nakakapagod na nga eh. Pero alam mo ang hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit sila ang nakikipagbreak sayo. Nakita kasi kita kung pano ka mag-alaga eh…Kung pano ka magmahal. Grabe! Kakaiba! Mas lalo ko tuloy dinadasal na sana ako na lang…
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko naman pinagsisisihan na na-inlab ako sayo eh. Nagrereklamo lang ako kasi nasasaktan ako. Natural lang yung magreklamo ako…
O eto ka nanaman, kumakatok sa bintana ng kwarto ko…ala-una na ng umaga ah! Ganda naman ng timing mo mang-istorbo. Kung kelan magang-maga ang mga mata ko sa kaiiyak dahil sayo tsaka mo pa naisipan bumisita. Alam ko namang ikaw yan. Wala naman ibang tao ang ganun kabobo na bibisita sakin ng gantong oras. Siguro lasing ka nanaman ano?
Binuksan ko ang bintana. Tama ako, mukhang marami-rami ang nainom mo. Buti na nga siguro yon, hindi mo mapapansin ang pamumugto ng mata ko. Yun nga lang, ako, hindi lasing, kaya kitang kita ko na maga ang mga mata mo. Eto ang ayaw ko eh! Yang nagmumuka kang pinagsukluban ng langit at lupa.
Iniwan muna kitang nakaupo sa silya sa tabi ng kama ko. Nagtimpla ako ng kape na binigay ko sayo pagkabalik ko sa kwarto. “Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Mae…” ang sabi mo sabay hagulgol.
Hindi ko rin alam kung ano na ang gagawin ko. Nararamdaman ko kasi ang sakit na nararamdaman mo eh. “Ano ba kasi ang nangyari?”
Hindi ka sumagot, niyakap mo ako ng mahigpit. Amoy alak ka…pero ok lang sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung kelan naglapat ang labi natin. Ayoko nang isipin…ayoko mag-isip. Minsan lang ito mangyayari sa akin. At palagay ko hindi na ito mauulit. Ito lang ang pagkakataon na maparamdam ko sa’yo kung gaano kita kamahal, dito sa isang halik na ito…Tutal hindi mo naman maaalala ito kinabukasan.
Hindi ko alam kung kelan natapos yung halik. Para ngang biglang gumana agad yung kapeng pinainom ko sayo at bigla kang nahimasmasan…Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Binuhos ko ang buong damdamin ko sa isang halik na yon. “I’m sorry,” ang sabi mo sa akin. Tumango lang ako. Patuloy mong ininom ang kape matapos no’n…At ako? Nakaupo lang sa tabi mo…Tahimik. “Tol…please…kausapin mo siya…”
Bakit kaya ata mas masakit ngayon? Dahil ba na-realize ko na isa akong tanga na nagsasayang ng pagmamahal sayo? O dahil sa kahit sinubukan kong iparamdam sayo ang pagmamahal ko, wala pa rin saysay ito para sayo?
“Tol…”
“Hindi ko ugaling makisali sa away ng magsyota.”
“Don’t be so selfish Mae!”
“T*ng ina mo! Sinasabi mo lang yan dahil wala kang alam!” Hindi ko na talaga mapigilan ang pagtulo ng luha ko. T*ng ina mo talaga naman talaga eh! Hindi mo napapansin…kung gaano ako nasasaktan…
“Tol!”
“Wala kang alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko! Hindi mo alam na mahal kita! T*ng ina…Mahal kita! Yun lang naman eh…ayoko makisali sa away nyo…tapos selfish na ako…” At sinumbat ko lahat ang ginawa ko para sayo. Hindi naman ako talaga nanunumbat pero masyado na ako nasasaktan eh…Sinabi ko sayo kung gaano kasakit ang makita kang kapiling ng iba…Lahat ng sama ng loob ko sinabi ko sa’yo. At pagkatapos no’n pinagtabuyan kita palabas ng kwarto ko…
Pero hindi ka umalis eh… “Akala mo lang yo’n hindi ko alam kung gaano kasakit…” ang sabi mo. “Alam mo ba, lahat ng naging girlfriends ko…niligawan ko lang kasi hindi kita maligawan. Takot kasi akong masira friendship natin eh. Sa iba ko na lang binaling pagmamahal ko.” Niyakap mo ulit ako. “Pinapakausap kita sa kanila kasi baka sakali sabihin nila ang rason kung bakit kami naghihiwalay…Kasi hindi ko masabi…Ang akala mo kaya ako naglalasing bawat break up dahil sa kanila…Ang totoo, hindi ko matanggap na ang babaeng mahal ko, hindi mapapasakin dahil sa natatakot ako mawala ka…Hindi ko kaya…Hindi ko kaya…”
Hindi ako makapaniwala. Kahit na nung hinalikan mo na ulet ako parang hindi pa rin totoo. “Ang tanga natin no?” ang sabi ko sayo. Tumawa ka. Tumawa rin ako. Ang tanga natin.
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
For Him
Tomorrow when the sun spreads his warm rays of love in this part of the world, I will wear a smile of happiness on my face. As for tonight, I am going to wipe these tears that had been trickling on my cheeks. I have been crying all the while, half of the time because of utter despair and half of the time because of utter joy.
At this minute my heart is filled with happiness and the moon is my witness. His caring face looking down on me, trying to soothe me with his light as I bury myself on my pillow. As tears fall from my eyes, as I hear my lover’s voice telling me that no matter how hard it is to make our dreams a reality, we’re going to hang on. And to hang on I will, as long as he loves me.
And I know he loves me. Oh how he loves me! He cares for me much more than he cares for his own self. His love, yes this is what keeps me alive. And every time he tells me of this feeling, this feeling that can only be made for me to share with him, I feel his warm arms wrapping around me for my own comfort. He makes my heart so light, that it flutters yet so full with love he had been pouring out for me. He who has become my world, ravishes me with his sweet caring nature, carries me as I travel this road of life so that my bare feet would not be bruised and worn out. He is my living angel. And he is just mine, all mine to take, for he had pledged it so. And I believe in him. I believe in every word that comes out of his lips, those sweet words of love and longing, that touches my heart like the beautiful songs of the Muses would have touched me.
And I love him. I might have not told him why and how I had come to love him but he knows that I do. And what I feel for him I had never felt before. This sweet tingling feeling in my heart that grows more and more each day, capturing my very soul. He is not only my reason for living, but my life itself and without him, I do not think I can survive in this hustle and hurry world.
To him I will only belong, and he believes it, for I had pledged myself so.
This is one of my earliest works. I wrote it in 1999…or 2000 I think. Bata pa ako no’n!.
*****
Here’s another one…written in 2003.
Na-inlove na ba kayo sa matalik niyong kaibigan?
Ako, oo. High school ako no’n. At alam kong ‘love’ nga yun at hindi crush lang o kung ano. And hirap nga eh, lalo na at best friend ko pa talaga siya. Lahat sinasabi niya sakin, wala talaga siya tinatago. Alam ko lahat, simula sa mga problema niya sa pamilya at lovelife hanggang sa mga pangarap niya sa buhay.
Kakaiba siya sa lahat ng lalaking nakilala ko no’n. Matalino siya…hindi siya nonsense kausap, pero hindi naman siya super seryoso na mabo-bore ka. Isa rin siyang hopeless-romantic at napaka-idealistic niya.
Since best friend ko siya, parati ko siya kasama. Madami nga nagsasabi na para daw kami mag-syota. Kilig naman ako pagka sinasabi nila yun. Kung alam lang nila…
Lahat ng niligawan niya kilala ko. Nasubukan ko nang maging taga-bigay ng chocolates at love letters sa babaeng nililigawan niya. Ilang beses na rin akong nag-volunteer para maging tulay. At pinautang ko rin siya one time dahil Valentine’s Day at wala siyang pera para ipang-date. Ang martyr ko no?
Minsan napagod na ako sa pagiging tulay, confidante, at halos nanay na diyan sa best friend ko at sinabi ko sa sarili ko… “Bahala na! Mangyari na ang mangyari! Kailangang malaman niya na ang nararamdaman ko!” So ayun, try ko na maging extra-sweet pa sa kanya. Sa totoo lang…hindi niya na-gets. Siguro sobra na kami close hindi nya na napansin ang difference. Kahit na nung naglakas loob na akong magsabi ng “I love you” , iba pa rin ang dating sa kanya. Friendly pa rin. Nag-give up na ako pagkatapos no’n.
Dumaan ang ilang buwan, nakuntento na lang ako na mahalin siya ng patago. Hanggang isang araw, hinila niya ako sa isang tabi para daw makapagusap ng masinsinan. Tapos sinabi niya, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” Kasunod no’n ang mga rason kung bakit siya umibig sakin. Siyempre nagulat ako. Nung medyo nawala na yung shock ko, sabi ko sa isip ko “YESSSSSSS!!!”
Medyo lumulutang pa ako sa ere nang biglang nahuli ng tenga ko ang katangang ito “…pero ayokong i-sacrifice ang friendship natin kaya kalimutan mo na lang na sinabi ko sa’yo.” Anak ng pating naman wala pang ilang minuto binawi na agad! Hindi man lang hinintay ang reaksyon ko! Ramdam na ramdam ko yung paglagapak ng puso ko sa lupa. Masakit siya. Sa sobrang gulat ko hindi na ako nakapagsalita. Tumango na lang ako. Tamang tama nag-ring na ang bell at kailangan na naming pumasok sa classroom.
Pagkatapos no’n, pareho kami nagkunwaring walang nangyari. Medyo ilang pero sige, go.
Lumipas ang ilang buwan, grumadweyt kami sa high school. Pareho kami nag-UP pero magkaiba ang course namin. Naging halos imposible na magkita kami ng madalas. Nakatulong din yun para kalimutan ko siya.
Pero sa totoo lang, ngayon, pag naalala ko yung nangyari, natatawa na lang ako. Hindi ko na siya mahal. At hindi ko na rin siya best friend.
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
I was just looking at my old tabulas site and I have found some of the things I had written YEARRRS ago. And since I FEEL REALLY GUILTY LOOSING MOST OF MY WRITTEN WORKS…I figured I should post ‘em here.
So anyway, here is my written nonsense no.1. — written in Tagalog and was inspired by the MMORPG called “Ragnarok Online” (I was so darn addicted to that bloody game at that time…)—
Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano ko nagagawang maghintay. Kung tutuusin, wala talaga akong pasensya pagdating sa mga ganitong bagay. Pero eto ako, nakaupo sa isang maliit ngunit mataas na kubo na matatagpuan sa kabundukan ng Mjonir, maya’t-maya’y tinitignan ang kapaligiran sa pamamagitan ng mga teleskopyong nakasabit, o kung di kaya ay pinagmamasdan ang ilog sa baba na sumasalamin sa di-nagbabagong bughaw na langit sa itaas nito.
Walang araw na hindi natin pinupuntahan ang lugar na ito, simula ng dinala mo ako rito ilang buwan na rin ang nakakaraan. Magkaibigan pa lang tayo no’n, hindi ba?
Siguro dahil pareho lang tayong nangangailanan ng kasama kaya tayo napalapit sa isa’t isa. Naaalala mo pa ba nang nagtapat ka at sinabi mo sa aking walang nang saysay para sayo ang mundong ito, kung wala ako sa tabi mo?
Napangiti lang ako. Alam ko kasing kahit bali-baligtarin mo man ang lahat, ang mundong sinasabi mo ay isa lamang malaking laro kung saan ikaw ay hindi ikaw at ako ay hindi ako. At alam ko, na ang tunay mong mundo ay sadyang iikot, at mananatiling may saysay, kahit na wala ako.
Pero di tulad mo, madali akong madala. Sa araw-araw nating pagsasama ay hindi napigilan ng tunay kong sarili na mapa-ibig sa iyo. Kaya hindi ko napigilang umasa na siguro, tulad ko, natutunan mo na ring mahalin ang tunay na tao sa likod ng kasa-kasama mo sa pekeng mundong ito. Kaya eto ako ngayon, naghihintay sa pagdating mo.
At tulad ng inaasahan ko, ayan ka na sa harap ko. “Kanina ka pa ba?” tanong mo sa akin.
“Hindi naman.”
“Pasensya na ha? Napaghintay pa kita.”
“Okay lang.”
“Na-miss kita,” ang sabi mo, sabay halik sa akin.
“Ako rin, sobra,” Mabuti na lang at hindi totoo, kung hindi ay siguradong maririnig mo ang malakas na kabog ng puso ko.
“Bakit mo nga pala piniling magkita tayo ng mas maaga ngayon?”
“Ano kasi…” Paano ko ba ito sasabihin? Gusto na kita makita? Mahal na kita talaga?
“Ano?”
“Gusto ko sanang sabihin sa’yo na—“
“Na?”
“Mahal kita.”
Natawa ka nang marinig ang sinabi ko. “Ah, yun lang ba? Alam ko naman yun eh.”
“Ang ibig kong sabihin eh, mahal na talaga kita.”
Bigla kang walang maisagot. Ilang segundo muna ang nakalipas bago ka nakapagsalita. “Sinabi ko naman sa’yo, di ba? Kaya nga ikaw ang pinili ko dahil akala ko, pareho tayo ng pananaw….”
“Iba dito, iba sa labas hindi ba? Ikaw naman, di ka man lang mabiro. Alam ko naman eh.”
Halos nararamdaman ko ang pagluwag ng kalooban mo nang sinabi ko ang mga katagang iyon. “Mahal naman eh! Wag mo nga akong lolokohin ng ganyan.”
Tama ako, para sa’yo, ang laro ay laro at walang kinalaman sa tunay na buhay. Masakit para sa akin marinig ang mga sinasabi mo, pero kasalanan ko, umasa ako masyado.
|
|
